April 10, 2011

This would have been our 20th anniversary. We were together for 20 years and 10 days, but married 19 years and a couple of months when Judith passed away. We have two extraordinary children, Laura (18) and Ian (15), and they are the joys of my life. I see her in them everyday.

I guess I have nothing new to say. The days pass, and 10 months sometimes seems like years, sometimes like minutes. I am tired and it seems so hard to move.

As a year approaches, I think of how to continue my life. Laura will be off to college and in just a few years so will Ian. What is left of me?

Kingdom of Sorrow

Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.  ~William Shakespeare


There is nothing comparable to the endurance of a woman. In military life she would tire out an army of men, either in camp or on the march.
- Mark Twain

How does one do this? I have read and I have listened and I am as lost as ever. I didn't know it was possible to be this sad.

I have known depression. I spent years with the threat of loosing Judith hanging over my head. I have known sorrow for my children having to see their mother in such pain. And I know that she is without pain now.

But, somehow, the very core of my being has become sadness. I go along fine, but then a movie, or a song, or the sight of anything that reminds me of her just unravels me. A very specific loneliness has murdered my hope for peace.

I grieve for Judith. I grieve for the person that I was with her. I grieve for that family that will never be the same. I grieve for the faith that I once had. I grieve for a love that is broken. I grieve for hope. I grieve for peace. I grieve for myself.

My logical self says that this must be endured. That "someday" it will be alright. But my logical self is easily lost in the swirling migraine that is my grief. I endure, but I am dissolving...

Judith

Here's a tribute video that I put together for the 7 month anniversary of Judith's passing.

Some Pholoshop Work

Six Months

What to say on this six month anniversary of Judith's passing. Laura and Ian are doing well. I am not. For me, the passage of time seems to make things harder. I am reliving quite a bit of the "hard parts" of the passed few years. The people in my life are certainly not getting the attention from me that they deserve. I feel like a burned out bulb. I don't know what I have left to give.

I have done what I can to create a loving environment for the kids. I want so much for them, but it is so very dark. I think I know this will pass, but right now there is nothing. She deserved more from me...

Judith Anne Minatrea

 Judith Anne Minatrea died Wednesday, June 16, 2010 after a long and courageous fight against kidney disease and other health issues.

Born in Pampa, TX on August 4, 1972 and married on April 10, 1991, she was a light in the darkness. Her strength and courage inspired all those around her. Her disease did not define her life. She was, first and foremost, a devoted mother to Laura and Ian. They are her masterpieces.

She is survived by Miles Kameron Minatrea (husband), Laura Anastasia Minatrea (daughter), Ian Alexander Gray Minatrea (son), Patricia (Pat) Lawrence (sister), Wm David Lawrence (brother), Kenneth and Sandra Minatrea (parents in law), Keenan Minatrea (brother in law), and the many others that loved her.

Judith wanted to continue to help people even after her passing and we have honored her wishes by donating her body to the UT Southwestern Willed Body program. There will be no formal service. Her family and friends will continue to celebrate her life throughout the coming years.

In lieu of flowers, we ask that a donation be made in her name to the National Kidney Foundation.

Willed Body Program

We appreciate everyones thoughts and prayers. Judith did not want a service. She did want to do as much good as possible for folks in her situation. She was unable to be an organ donor, so she elected to be a whole body donor. The UT Southwestern Willed Body program has her body in their care now. The attached link can answer some of your questions. Feel free to message me with any further questions.

http://www8.utsouthwestern.edu/utsw/home/pcpp/willedbody/index.html

National Kidney Foundation

We are asking that, in lieu of flowers, a small donation be made to the National Kidney Foundation, in Judith's name.

Here is the link - https://www.kidney.org/support/makegift/index.cfm Thank you all.

Judith Anne Minatrea - 8/4/72 to 6/16/10

Judith Anne Minatrea, mother of my children and my wife for almost twenty years, passed away last night at 11:30. I cannot express how much she will be missed. She was my love and my light. She was the most brave person I will ever have the privilege to meet. Please join my children and I in celebrating the joy that she brought to our lives. Thank you all for your prayers and well wishes through the years. God Bless.

Various Other Visits

So, where else was I able to pop in and take some pics while we were there?

Mt. Soledad
























The La Jolla Cove:























Sunny Jim Cave:

Racine & Laramie

I told you that I'd get back to the cigar shop. Racine & Laramie is just an excellent place, run by fine, fine folks. It was my port in the storm, my home away from home. I only got to spend a very few hours there, but made some good friends that I hope to visit again. David Mogilner, Vice President and son of the owner, went above and beyond in making me feel welcome. Harry Harris was hospitality personified. Here they are with the box of "Black Barts" that I bought. That's David on the left and Harry on the right.



















Here's some pics of the place.










































If you ever get down to San Diego, and you like cigars, look these guys up. Tell 'em Kam sent you.

Immaculate Conception Church

I visited the Immaculate Conception Church in Old Town.

Cabrillo National Monument

I went down to the Cabrillo National Monument to take some pictures of the Old Point Loma Lighthouse.



































The view is incredible.


















I drove through the Ft. Rosecrans National Cemetery.

The Tall Ships

We went down to the Maritime Museum and saw the tall ships. I got to stand at the wheel of the ship they used in "Master and Commander", the HMS Suprise. The ships real name is the HMS Rose. We also saw the Star of India, the Californian, the Berkeley and the Medea.

What Fun

So, what FUN stuff did we get to do while we were in San Diego? Consider that the first week was mostly tests and Judith wasn't admitted to the hospital until the 2nd. She couldn't do much, but we did manage to squeeze in a few fun things. I'll enter them as individual posts.

The Hotel Del Coronado (the "Del"):
















We went to Champagne Brunch at the Del on Sunday. You have to do this if you ever get a chance. It's slightly more fancy than my usual Sunday fare. Check it out HERE.

Final Update

This is the Final Update. It may not, however, be the Final Entry, because I intend to review the passed month and post some random thoughts and remembrances.

Judith is recovering well. She wasn't able to take the Vicodin but her dialysis doc gave her some Tylenol 3 and it's working. She's been getting quite a bit of rest and today we will start walking more. It has all gone about as well as it could have.

I'm 39 today, and having Judith home is the best present ever.

Free At Last

We're home - I mean Home. More later.

Lucky Friday the 13th

We're getting ready to turn the car in and head for the airport. More updates and info about the passed week when we're back in Texas.

Monday Countdown to Liftoff

The docs say that the chest tubes will come out today, tomorrow will be the last of the heparin, and we will be looking at discharge on Wednesday or Thursday. The flight is already booked for Friday.

Judith is tired and in some pain from the continuing cough, but she is down to just 2 liters of O2 and is looking better all the time.

Sunday Update

Judith just took a walk around the block. She is supposed to walk at least 3 times a day, but more if she can. The first walk washed her out, but she looks good. She is getting some color back, and that's saying something. She is usually pale as a ghost.

She had to do a breathing treatment that puffs air into your mouth. You have to breathe against it. The tech turned it on and it puffed at her before she was ready. She jumped and looked startled. It was funny and I laughed. This is the look I get when I've been bad...