Just A Thought

The stars are shining The moon is bright And I would kill To be with you tonight...

Jobs

You know, one of the hardest things to come to terms with is the fact that the world just keeps rolling on, after a tragedy. And it was a tragedy, on so many levels. Children lost their mother. Siblings lost their sister. I lost my greatest friend. The world lost a person with that rarest of qualities, grace. But on it goes.

That really bothered me in the early days. I wanted fire. I wanted wailing. I wanted apocalypse.

I wanted the world to recognize its loss - my loss.

But there is too much loss, and that's not the world's job. I took the picture above today, on a break. That's the world doing its job.

Look up. You'll see what I mean.

Three Years

Three years have passed. The anxiety dreams are gone. I don't ache all the time. But your laughter still rings in my ears. Your smile is still right behind my eyes.

I am learning to be alone, and I don't like it. I miss how well we knew each other. How we could sit in a room together and be content. How you knew what I was thinking, and how I would react to almost anything. I miss making you blush, just by looking at you, and hearing you hum off key.

I am becoming more convinced that another relationship is not in the cards for me. The saying is, "Don't look for the right woman. Be the right man". You taught me how to be the right man, but maybe the wrong men have done too much damage.

And so, there's work, and there's play, and there's minutes and hours. Days and weeks and months and years. My hair gets thinner, and my beard gets whiter. My eyes are a little more cloudy, and my back is not as strong. But I'm still me. I'm the me that is left over. I'm the me that didn't die with you. But I'm not yet the me that I will be. So there's that.

I will walk with your memory always, my dear. I love you.

I Just Don't Think

I met Judith 23 years ago today...

I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You by Colin Hay

I drink good coffee every morning
Comes from a place that's far away
And when I'm done I feel like talking
Without you here there is less to say
I don't want you thinking I'm unhappy
What is closer to the truth
That if I lived till I was 102
I just don't think I'll ever get over you
I'm no longer moved to drink strong whisky
'Cause I shook the hand of time and I knew
That if I lived till I could no longer climb my stairs
I just don't think I'll ever get over you
Your face it dances and it haunts me
Your laughter's still ringing in my ears
I still find pieces of your presence here
Even after all these years
But I don't want you thinking I don't get asked to dinner
'Cause I'm here to say that I sometimes do
Even though I may soon feel the touch of love
I just don't think I'll ever get over you
If I lived till I was 102
I just don't think I'll ever get over you

948 days

Or 2 years, 7 months, 3 days.

135 weeks
22,752 hours
1,365,120 minutes
81,907,200 seconds

Time is not the problem. It doesn't heal anything. It rolls on, without concern. Time doesn't care.