Three Years

Three years have passed. The anxiety dreams are gone. I don't ache all the time. But your laughter still rings in my ears. Your smile is still right behind my eyes.

I am learning to be alone, and I don't like it. I miss how well we knew each other. How we could sit in a room together and be content. How you knew what I was thinking, and how I would react to almost anything. I miss making you blush, just by looking at you, and hearing you hum off key.

I am becoming more convinced that another relationship is not in the cards for me. The saying is, "Don't look for the right woman. Be the right man". You taught me how to be the right man, but maybe the wrong men have done too much damage.

And so, there's work, and there's play, and there's minutes and hours. Days and weeks and months and years. My hair gets thinner, and my beard gets whiter. My eyes are a little more cloudy, and my back is not as strong. But I'm still me. I'm the me that is left over. I'm the me that didn't die with you. But I'm not yet the me that I will be. So there's that.

I will walk with your memory always, my dear. I love you.